The pictures in today’s post are a bit haunting to me. I’m sure we all have those times in our lives when we feel a little empty and stripped of our warmth for life. Why was I put into this world on the day I was born? Why not a century sooner, or later? Why wasn’t I born in a third world country, where food is scares and loves is even more so? Why was I chosen to live the charmed life I have lived? Questions…there are always a million questions in a day.
These images somehow captured what I was feeling in some of the moments of today; tomorrow it will be sunshine and roses that will capture my mood I am sure, but today these are it.
I live in a house empty of children. I became an empty nester this year and I am finding it strange and a little hard to get used to at times. Like today, when I captured the image of the old, empty, beaten up house, with broken windows and no love inside.
Almost my entire adult life I have spent raising kids. Good kids, sad kids, wonderful kids, bratty kids, sporty kids, beautiful kids, noisy kids, quiet kids, sneaky kids, funny kids, rambunctious kids, troubled kids, wet kids, party-going kids, Jesus worshiping kids, hell-raising kids, basketball playing kids, softball throwing kids, prom-going kids, racing up the stairs kids, running around in circle kids, kids that woke me up at night, kids that woke me up in the morning, kids that wouldn’t shut up, kids that wouldn’t talk, kids that loved me, kids that hated me, kids that I will never stop loving until the day I die and probably not even then. I actually only have five kids, but throughout the past 29 years I’ve experience all those kinds of kids within my five.
And now they are done at my house. Sure there are visits, but come on, we all know that a two day visit is nothing like living together. We can’t get under each others skin that fast, we can’t really get to know whats going on with each other that fast…..but that’s okay. This is the way life is supposed to be. Kids grow up, they move on and with any luck at all they have become decent human beings, ready to change the world, each in their own individual way.
For me I could not be more proud. I was blessed to be a mom to five wonderful children. And even though each and every day had it’s own set of struggles, triumphs, and challenges, I would not change the choices I made when I decided to become a parent. It was, and still is one of the greatest decisions of my life.
But now I’m left with these, these haunting images that compare to a life that was once so full and is now so quiet, and trying to learn how to navigate a new path; One that is not near as noisy, or as exhausting, but one with its own set of challenges just the same.
I know this is a temporary feeling, my life is beyond full of other things like school, a business, friends, community, the list goes on. But for today I will embrace this feeling of emptiness, only because I know new things are coming, new ways for my life to feel complete are just around the corner. I just wanted to acknowledge this place I am at as I transition from my past role in life into my next.
Oh, and just so you know…my next role… the one coming up… the one I’m about to step into….it’s going to be fabulous. Stay tuned.